Let's "Slash"

Is it cold in space Bowie? I didn't put on my red shoes a la Ziggy Stardust, though I did put on my lead by example shoes today in picking up ye olde (literally in this instance rather than figuratively) "slasher" and got to some grass cutting today.

There are a lot of people employed around this place and the work load is not tremendously heavy, yet, mysteriously, the assignments that are given seem to take ages to get done. How long should it take to cut some grass around the explosives bunker? To fill sand bags? To sweep a workshop? To paint a few rooms?

As an old painting hand--a sloppy, but efficient one when needed--I know how long it takes to paint 4 walls in a room. I am also quite proficient at dragging things out if need be.

Where I worked in the summer time while in college 'safety' always came first. If the chief of the maintenance department mentioned 'safety first' when filling us in at the task briefing, that was the code for, "milk this puppy because there isn't a thing else for you guys to do for a week and if you don't keep busy, well, the money man isn't going to like that."

Well around here, there is work to be done, but it seems that there is a code similar to 'safety first' being employed. Just who has established this and who puts it into play is beyond me, but painting 14 straight forward walls (three small rooms and 2 exterior walls) took about a month.

The painting still isn't done either. There is the always fun bathroom painting task still to tackle! This hasn't prevented anyone from taking lots of time for tea, lots of time for cigarettes, lots of time for plugging in and charging cell phones for anyone and everyone who passes by (that's another topic in and of itself) and lots of time sitting under the one shade tree.

I tried to impress upon my little charges that we have to get ship shape because soon our new tenants will be arriving and almost synchronized with their arrival will be a visit from the head office in Geneva.

If we expect our tenants to keep things tidy, then we must set a strong, positive example. There are many, many people who are doubled over laughing at the idea of Brian preaching about tidiness and organzation right now I am sure. I can hear you, really I can. I am like the auto mechanic who drives the jalopy, when I am off the clock, I am off the clock.

Anyway, I drew up a chart detailing everyone's responsibilities and huddled everyone where I urged them to unwaveringly work for the greater good of humanity and the compound.

Everyone loved the chart and my motivational speaking and I gave myself a good pat on the back as a reward for a job well done as everyone scattered to begin their assignments. .

After about 30 minutes I poked my head outside to survey the landscape, take in the scent of freshly trimmed grass and sparkle of the polished workshop floors, only neither had happened and worse still, there was now no one to be found, folks had just vanished.

Amazing how in an essentially barren, open compound, with nowhere really to go nearby worth bothering with, people can just disappear. Maybe Osama built a tunnel network here like the one in Tora Bora and they disappear down in it to shoot dice and play dominos or something (Speaking of Osama, he lived in Juba for 6 years or so, I will get a picture of his crib one of these days).

Things being as they were, I left it alone for the rest of the day as two of the more diligent workers were going on leave for a week and we needed to take care of some things before they did.

This morning I awoke to the sound of the "slasher" hitting gravel, "holy sh*t", I said a loud as I marveled at the self-starters that were the two targets of the majority of my discontent; the two 'security' guards.

It was over before I could even close my mouth. They were done, just a little flurry of activity, back to sitting on their duffs. Oh well, maybe they'll get bored and start up again.

When they didn't and I noticed the groundskeeper Moris sitting under the tree with them smoking, I thought, ok, there is grass to be cut and sand bags to be filled and no one is doing anything.

I went and grabbed a slasher and set out to embarrass them into working. Per regulations there needs to be an explosives bunker and that bunker has to meet certain standards, including, get this one; no smoking signs. Wow, there's a real weird one, right?

In addition to the no smoking sign, the grass needs to be trimmed down 5 meters from the bunker in each direction. I got my slasher, took a little spin around so everyone could see me merrily skipping off toward the bunker and went to work.

It's sort of fun, but boy are you dripping after about 3 minutes. It's not even that hot right now. 10 more minutes of slashing later and I look up and around a bit, still no company. 10 more minutes later and I thinking to myself, "Too bad the helicopter people aren't around they could just flatten a 5m swath with the rotors." 5 more, "the bunker is far aware, wonder where the nearest Home Depot is, I need a weedwacker." Then it hear a noise coming from just to the right of me, Moris has popped up without making hardly any noise and begun to work with me.

"For three, yes!" Marv could never have said it better himself.

Moris and I slashed together for 20 minutes, then I decided I needed to get back to lambasting the little Filipino accountant girls who screwed up my wire transfer by email.

No sooner do I take off does Moris pack it in. Has everything been cut? No. Unbelievable. Micro managing is not in my job description, nor is slashing for that matter.

I am told the Sudanese are hard to motivate, I guess when you live the, 'nothing matters much since there may be no tomorrow' type of lifestyle that comes with living in a war torn nation for so long, your motivation to work is bound to suffer.

Ahhh, but there is a tomorrow.

Who but the Beastie Boys could have said it any better? To the people of Sudan...

People How You Doing There's A New Day Dawning For The Earth Mother It's A Brand New Morning For Such A Long While There's Been Such A Longing But Now The Sun Is Shining Let's Roll Back The Awning

Maybe that's the secret, music.

Gorgoroth anyone?